Marriage Myths (And Stuff No One Remembers to Tell You)

Once again, things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!
~ Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer

Getting married is a big decision, and I have no doubt that you’ve heard numerous opinions on the matter already. Friends, family members, and even coworkers are all ready to tell you what they think about what YOU should do. The problem is these people don’t always share your views on marriage, weddings, and commitment. Family members are famous for pushing you to “settle down” even if you’re been living with the same person for 5 years (or more). Then there are those friends who will tell you that getting married means the end of your life.

Similarly, I bet many people reading this have heard, “You’ll save money if you get married?” This statement is usually referring to taxes and health insurance. Unfortunately, I’ve learned through personal experience that it’s not that simple.

So what I’ve done is made a list of myths and information I would have found really helpful before I got married.

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1. You’ll Get a Tax Break

Myth!

Changing your filing status from single to married effectively puts you in a higher tax bracket. My father is a tax collector and he called it a “marriage penalty”.

In the United States, couples who both work full time do not see a significant tax break unless they have children or own a house. My husband and I discovered this the hard way. Before we got married we were living together, sharing all of our expenses, and using a joint bank account. We weren’t legally married, despite all outward appearances, so we filed our taxes separately. Each year we got a nice fat refund check. Unfortunately, after we got married we found ourselves owing money.

Luckily, there are ways to prepare for this. The federal W-4 form actually comes with a “Two Earner Worksheet”. I’ve filled out several W-4 forms over the years but I had never seen it before. That’s because it’s on Page 2 of the form – which some employers don’t bother to print out for you. The worksheet is there so you can determine if you and your spouse need to have additional funds withdrawn from your paycheck to cover your taxes. (If your employer doesn’t hand you page 2, you can go online and download it.) My husband and I have an extra $50 taken out of our paychecks and that makes a big difference for us.

Also, if it’s just you and your spouse: Always, always ALWAYS put your allowances as 0. The worksheet on the first page tells you that you can put “1″ down for yourself, and another 1 for your spouse. I think this works to your advantage if your spouse is a stay at home mom or dad, but not in a two earner household.

These tips are especially important the year before you get married. Because they tax the whole year based on your legal filing status when the year ended. I even suggest updating your W-4 as soon as you set a date and have the extra taken out in preparation. The worst that can happen is that you have a slightly smaller paycheck and a much larger refund.

Side Note: It took a few years to figure things out, but my husband and I are now seeing tax refunds again.

2. You’ll Save on Health Insurance

Myth!

The health insurance situation is tricky. Every employer is different, as is every insurance plan. Most employers pay for a portion of your health insurance, and take the rest out of your paycheck. A handful of employers give you health benefits, and don’t take any money out of your paycheck to cover it. Either way these plans usually cover you, and not your spouse or your children. Those plans cost more. Some employers allow you to add someone to your plan so long as you’re willing to pay the difference. Other companies cover whole families and only ask you to contribute a tiny bit more towards your plan. You’re going to need to find out which of these statements describes your employer before you’ll know if being married will save you money on health insurance.

If one of you can’t get health insurance through work, but the other can, the answer is simple. Adding your spouse to your plan may result in a smaller paycheck, but you’ll save money later if your spouse gets sick or injured.

If you both have health insurance through work, you’re going to need to compare the options. This includes: What is currently deducted from each paycheck? What will change if one of you switches plans? What do you pay for prescriptions and co-pays currently? Is dental or vision included in the plans? You’re going to spend some time number crunching but I promise you it’ll be worth it.

AND, don’t forget: Each time your plans change, you’ll want to compare the options again.

Side Note: Being married CAN lower your car insurance. My husband’s rates dropped significantly after the wedding. My research shows that it can also effect home owners’ insurance. Neither is guaranteed and the final numbers will depend on the company you’re with.

3. Everything Changes

Myth!

This mind set comes from the days when living together before being married was scandalous. I think it still applies to some couples – like people who chose to stay celibate until their wedding night.

HOWEVER, the “changes” that are most likely to occur after your wedding aren’t really that amazing:

* Your filing status for taxes will be different.
* You can move from “wedding planning mode” to “wedding recovery mode”.
* You may have a larger savings account thanks to all your wedding guests.
* You may also own several more blenders than you used to.
* One or both or you may have to get used to wearing a ring everyday.
* You get to say wife or husband instead of girl/boyfriend or fiance.

There are certainly couples that find their relationship strengthened after a formal wedding ceremony. However, for a large number of us, going from being engaged to being married did not effect our relationship at all. We love each other the same way. We are committed to each other the same way. Have the same interests and differences of opinions. We all still fight the same way… etc. etc.

4. I Won’t Be Able To Visit Them In The Hospital If We’re Not Married.

Myth!

I’ve heard this a lot, so I searched Google and checked the visitor policies of the first 10 hospitals I found. Not one of them said anything about “Only family members can visit”. I found wards where children are restricted or banned. I found policies that stated that doctor’s have the final word on whether the patient can have visitors and how many. I even found a policy that said “we won’t tell you what room the patient is in unless they provide us with written permission”. I didn’t find anything that would prevent someone from visiting their partner.

Maybe this was true at some point, but my instincts are telling me this is another hold over from the days when people never lived together and have 3 kids BEFORE getting married.

5. Now That You’re Married You Need To Start Thinking About Your Future.

Truth!

You should have been doing this already, but getting married is a good enough time to start thinking about retirement plans and life insurance. It’s easy to forget about these things when you’re young and immortal. Unfortunately, as you get older having a plan and having it in writing becomes more and more important. I’m also talking about making sure you have a will as well as a LIVING will. It also can’t hurt to start discussing how you want to be buried.

All this may be depressing but it is important that you and your spouse have something in writing stating exactly what you want to happen if something terrible occurs. Emotional family members fighting to keep your spouse on life support aren’t going to care that once, during a long car ride, he asked you to pull the plug. In addition, if the unthinkable happens, you really want a will to keep greedy family members from trying to take possession of your joint belongings. (I wish I was making that up, but I know for a fact that it happens.)

6. People Will Treat You Differently After You Get Married

Truth!

Ok, back at point number three I discussed the fact that your relationship probably won’t change once you’re married. Unfortunately, this isn’t that same when we’re talking about how other people view your relationship. Simply using the words “my husband” or “my wife” can change how you’re treated when you ask for time off for a family emergency. Some companies won’t let you use bereavement time for your girlfriend of 12 year’s mother, but your wife’s mother is ok EVEN if she’s been your wife for 2 weeks and you married her while on a bender in Vegas…

 

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